Be Better
than you Are
I was
listening to Earl Nightingale recently and he quoted Carl Rogers. “The curious
paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am then I can change. To be what
you are is the first step in becoming better than you are.”
Wow. When I
heard that phrase, I backed up and played it again and again and again. I
believe that anyone can change and become better – or worse. And I also believe
that it is a choice, not fate, that makes that so.
I was lying
in bed about 6 or 7 years ago staring at the ceiling. I knew I was in trouble –
financially, emotionally, everything. I was starting a process that is still
underway today. I was “taking stock” of my life. Unfortunately, I was still
playing the “blame game”. You see, I was still thinking that people were doing
things to me, not reflecting what I was putting out to them. I was still a
child.
You see, up
to this point I thought I was perfect. Or at least pretty good. I did not
realize how poorly I was treating other people. I did not realize how poorly I
was treating myself. In my exposure to people through teaching, I have seen
many people who put themselves down. Most of these people were products of
their environment. I still remember one lad whose own father used to tell him, “You
can’t fix stupid.” I also felt similar feelings but internalized them. I needed
to look closely and identify my weaknesses, accept them and build them up.
Jim Rohn taught
me the day you become an adult is the day you stop blaming other people for
your problems. It still took me a couple of years to figure THAT out but at least
I was on my way. I was at last starting to look at my life with a critical eye.
When I stub my toe on a box that was left out, it is not the fault of the person
who left the box out and it wasn’t the box’s fault. It was mine. My toes. My
eyes. My perception.
I now
realize that when people do not seem to be very nice to me it is very likely because
I have not been nice to them. They say that 95% of the people on this planet
are covered with reflective mirrors. They reflect back out to the universe what
is shone on them. Therefore when someone is nasty, it is likely they were
exposed to something nasty. They are outer directed people. They are reactors.
I decided a
while ago to be a broadcaster of goodness. No matter who I am presented with, I
do my level best to be the charming, optimistic person I really am. I worry not
about what people think of me but rather what I think of myself.
Back to Carl
Rogers. I had to look at every aspect of my life and make plans, set goals and
work hard. I had to look at those areas of my life where I was not happy and
identify what needed to be done. And to a trait, it was me that needed to
change. I had to accept myself on every level as being me. I had to look at
everything and accept it as being as it was.
Now to me
accepting is not being fateful. I had to accept I weighed 260 pounds. I had to
accept I was a poor eater. I had to accept that I was unhealthy. Once I did
that I had to make a plan to change and then work the plan. I now weigh less
than 250 pounds. I eat less, drink more water and move around more.
I used to believe
in the power of positive thinking. Now I think that is a little naive. Maybe
just plain old naïve. I now look at myself without any filters. I see my weaknesses
and am working to strengthen them. You see, I had to become Matt and accept the
“old Matt” before the new Matt could be built. And the new Matt is a work in
progress. It is hard to change 45 years of conditioning in a few days. Every
day is a struggle. But the feeling at the end of the day having achieved small
goals is tremendous.
Right now I
am having issues with Linda. I am not really sure what is going on to be
honest. What am doing is looking at how
I treat her. How I act and speak to her, about her and in front of her. I know
that what is going on is mostly, if not completely a reflection of my actions and
re-actions. I believe that my actions are better than they were. I am working
on my re-actions. And you know what? That is my choice. Each and every one of
us has a choice every time something “happens” to us.
So my goal
today (and tomorrow) is to act. I choose to be a positive influence in the
universe. I will do my level best not to react but to act. I will act with kindness
and optimism. I will be a positive influence in all with whom I come in contact
today and tomorrow and all of the tomorrows.
I have met
myself. I have accepted myself and now I am making a better me. I do this to
make other people better. I also do it for a purely selfish reason. I feel
good. I see my goals coming over the horizon. I am on my way, never to look back.
I am never going back to the old me. Please do not get me wrong, I love the old
me. Without the old me I could not be where I am today. Without the me I have
today, I cannot be the me I will be tomorrow.
And
remember, you cannot look good and get better at the same time!
No comments:
Post a Comment