August 24, 2012 - Sailing AWAY!

Darren Hardy says that we are 100% in control of our lives and that until we accept that and live our life in control, we will never be the same. In fact he says we are 100% to blame for our lives – good or bad.

I believe him.

Let me elaborate a wee bit. Many people know my wife Linda had cancer about a decade and a half ago. I lost my job over it. My “career” life seemed quite dismal for a long time. Then I re-discovered a magazine called SUCCESS while developing my new ACN business. Darren Hardy has made me re-evaluate my life and look at it in another light.

(The “odd”  thing is – Linda and I worked very hard on our family and have two WONDERFUL kids. At least we took control of that area.)

You see, I’ve always blamed “something” for my life. Linda being sick, my mom dying, my dad dying, my grandpa dying, all were to blame for my life. My lack of money. My poor career. 

Not true.

It was my inability to make sound and reasoned decisions that caused my troubles. When I lost my job I did not approach it and say to myself, “Well that sucks. I had better plan my next move!”. Nope. I wallowed.

When important people in my life died, instead of grasping those feelings, and letting time and thought heal them, I let them drag me into a place where the blame for my misfortune was placed on dead people. Not true.

Jim Rohn says, “The same wind blows on us all”. By “wind” he means, the economy, the government, people dying, aging, change.  He goes on to say, “Its not the wind that determines our life’s fortune but rather the SET OF OUR SAIL.”

What does that mean to me? I have to learn how to sail. And fast. How can I learn how to sail? I have to change the way I think. I have to sculpt my personal philosophies in order to better handle these rough seas. Equally important, I want to be able to sail through calm seas without becoming complacent. I want to learn how to scan the horizon and choose the best channels to sail through. I want to teach my kids and everyone on my team to do the same.

So what school am I going to in order to gain these skills? The Matt Robertson School of Self Help. I am listening to many great thought leaders. I have my IPOD filling with thoughtful and educational material. I subscribe to SUCCESS magazine. I read lots of books, magazine articles, blogs and more. Instead of listening to drivel on the radio, I listen to thoughtful material.

I am growing. I am learning. I am becoming a sailor!

August 23, 2012 - My Anger Issues

I have been living with what I describe as an angry temper for 48 years now. I have been listening to George Zalucki and John Maxwell a lot lately. If I can paraphrase what they say – anger is an intense feeling of extreme displeasure over something that happened in the past and cannot be changed.

So what does that all mean to me? I have been struggling to not “control” my anger but recognize the feeling and get rid of it and replace it with something else. Its very difficult for me – almost half a century of conditioning. I should also say that as far as my emotional upbringing is concerned, my mother led that training. She had a wicked temper and held a grudge for what seemed like forever.

My dad was the calm one. His was not a strong personality so it was hard to learn from him. That and I don’t think my mother really wanted us to learn from him. Being the youngest of 4 kids with a 15 year difference between the eldest and youngest, I’ve also had the opportunity to observe my siblings. They have carried a lot of that anger around with them too in various forms.

Enough of the past. I am really trying to do my best to “count to 10” before reacting. In that time, I am asking myself some questions AND forcing myself to answer them.

• EXACTLY what am I angry about?
• Can the “thing” be re-worked or fixed?
• Does it REALLY matter? (Will anyone die or be physically hurt?)
• Am I really angry with myself?

I suppose there are a lot of other questions that can get spawned from those but I usually end up calming down after the first one. Anger is such a wasted emotion. I am amazing myself with my new-found ability to keep calm.

I am sure my family doesn’t think so YET! I see myself having difficulty managing my emotions when I am in certain situations. These situations or conditions can be:

• Having had too much to drink.
• Being too tired.
• Being ill.
• Allowing outside influences to change my mood or emotional condition. THIS IS THE WORST ONE!!!!

So although it sounds easy, it is not for me. I must constantly run through those questions and thoughts about what is triggering those feelings.

It is a real challenge for me as I have to spend time alone with a person who does her best to trigger those feelings of anger in me. I have realized this person actually thrives when she sees people in emotional distress. She tries to instigate conflict amongst other people.

I have to keep repeating John Maxwell’s thought – “Hurting people, hurt people. And hurting people are hurt by people.”

Wish me more skills!

July 19, 2012

Here I am once again sitting in Ottawa with my son, Morgan. It is my daughter`s 18<sup>th</sup> birthday today and although I am somewhat sad I didn`t see her today, I know she is out with her boyfriend. I am sure she will have a special time.

I am working at learning as much as I can to help me get started with my business. One thing I am afraid of is spending all of my time learning and no time “doing”. I have very poor organizational habits. I am reading “The Best Year Ever” by Darren Hardy and oe thing I have taken from it RIGHT now is I am sorting all of my bad habits out and tackling them one at a time. Change a habit that is holding me back each and every day for 21 days and then start the next.

Tonight, I am going to prioritize the list and start tackling them all - one at a time - tomorrow morning. 

I will let you know tomorrow how it is all working out!

June 27, 2012

I work for a brewery called Trafalgar Ales and Meads. I left for my 2 day delivery trip this morning at 5. Last week I had the alternator fail on my van. That of itself is insignificant, but what was significant was the service at Canadian Tire. I have mentioned John Maxwell’s book “Everyone Communicates Few Connect”. This was a classic example as everyone just answered me with a standard Canadian Tire answer rather than answering the questions I was asking. Interesting.

I enjoy my days delivering as I can listen to developmental recordings. I think I overloaded yesterday as I can’t remember any of them! I am trying to follow some of Darren Hardy’s direction though. I’ve recorded in my journal (I’ve had a “green book” for a long time – now I am calling it my journal!) my WHY, my STRENGTHS, my WEAKNESSES, my GOALS. By the way, a goal is a dream with a deadline.

When I get back to Milton, I am going to start a “book of Matt”. I’m working through an exercise right now called “The Best Year Every” – Darren Hardy. Rather than mar that book with my thoughts, I am sharing it with Linda, Morgan and Ainsley.

Short entry today. On Thursday, during my drive home, I am going to listen to more philosophy.

June 26, 2012

Ainsley’s prom was this evening. Linda and I went to one of the other parent’s houses to take photos of the kids before they went off in their limo. Ainsley looked awesome. She has developed into such a well rounded woman. Her guy, Robert, looked equally as awesome. They had a pretty poor time at Prom – at least the dinner sucked – at the Oakville Conference Centre or some such thing.

I remember looking forward into my life at that point and seeing my future much different than how it has turned out. I have some regrets but they pale when compared to my children. They are beyond compare. I am very, very fortunate to have then in my life.

Speaking of fortunate, I am completely overwhelmed with Linda. Last night, we decided to grab some wings and beer at Shoeless Joes. We talked about how great our kids are. They are our product. “You teach what you know. You reproduce what you are.” We are so proud of Morgan and Ainsley. They are great people and are going to do great things.

Ainsley has a friend who is having a lot of challenges with her parents to the point this kid’s dad kicked her out of the house the other night. Ainsley had her over – didn’t ask us ‘cause she doesn’t have to. Our home is a haven to whomever of our friends or acquaintances needs it. Yesterday, this kid was at prom and told me that Linda and I are “so cool”.

Look, the way Linda and I look at it, kids at prom are going to drink. Pretending it won’t happen is stupid. So we gave Ainsley a car to get to the after-prom-party and had the promise she was DD. All we ever want from our kids is their safety and health.

So this blog had nothing at all to do with my work. Or did it?

“You teach what you know. You reproduce what you are”. If you want to have kids (or business partners, employees, etc.) that make great choices – make yourself better. It is easy to say “be good to people” but I you aren’t doing that – it won’t happen. Its not a selfish thing to say – but our kids are great because Linda and I are great parents. Not to say we don’t have bad habits or anything like that. But our kids also have the comfort to say “I’m not going to be like that!”.

June 25, 2012

I learned a couple of interesting things today. One somewhat profound and the other not so much.

Profound: "Hurting people hurt people." I listen to a leadership philosopher by the name of John Maxwell. I'm reading "Everyone Communicates, Few Connect" right not - get a copy - today! There are a few people in my life I am trying to deal with right now - I am trying to strengthen myself and my communication skills so I can be a better "person".

I suppose what I am now trying to do is shift my thinking. Rather than wonder what did I do to this person to warrant the way they are treating me, I am now trying to look from their perspective. Maybe I have done something specific to hurt them, maybe someone else has hurt them. It sure males me think in a different manner. I am shifting the focus of my thinking.

I find that when my focus of thinking shifts from me to them, my defences lower, I become more open to listening to exactly what they are trying to communicate and not just what they are saying. I start to find that its not me they are lashing out at, I just happen to be standing there.

So here is my goal for the next 21 days. I am now going to stop for a moment before reacting to someone who I feel is trying to "hurt" me. I am also thinking of these people long before we interact. I can prepare myself not defensively, but rather proactively in order to listen to them and not further their hurt.

This is by no means easy. I've got 48 years of conditioning behind me.

The not so profound thing is that birds eat pepper plants. I have started an Aquaponic system in my backyard. The birds (I believe they are the Robins perpetrating this egregious act) are pulling out my pepper plants and carrying them away....

I had some sad, terrible news today as well. A student of mine - Cee Deschene died last Friday night / Saturday morning. I am told she had a tear in her aorta and was in surgery for many hours before succumbing. My thoughts are with her family and life partner.

June 7, 2012

Very excited. I'm sitting at Carleton University waiting for Morgan. He's got a class tonight as well as a mid-term test.

Morgan is joining my business tomorrow. I'm pumped. We are staring to work on building Morgan's fortune tomorrow!

Ainsley is joining next month. Excitement all over again!

I was listening to some professional development cd's today. A lot of what I was learning today was all about planning to have MY BEST YEAR EVER. I am committed to building my business in order to make a better life for my family. Especially my mail goal which is to retire my wife. He health issues have been overcome and she deserves all the time she wants now.

I am so grateful to have such a supportive family. Everyone is right behind me.