Dr. Roger
Berman writes, “We are least tolerant of those negative traits in others that
we our self possess.”
Think about
it, what is it that bothers you about someone you contact with – either a close
contact or a casual one. Observe your
reactions and I am positive that you will become annoyed with that person and
when you do, please reflect on yourself.
The first
time I was told this, I thought it was interesting. Then several YEARS later I
was told it again. And I stopped to reflect. ..
As I mentioned
in a recent post, I have a negative person in my life, “M”. Well, in my journey
to a better understanding of “M” I have discovered something that has helped
me. I have tried to analyze myself and pull out all of the traits I believe are
negative.
Once I was
able to list my negative traits, I looked at them to identify WHY I felt they
were negative. Usually, the traits I identified were valid – for example, I
have a tendency to interrupt the other person when they are talking –
especially if they are saying something I things is incorrect or I just
disagree with.
What I am
now trying to do is two fold:
First of
all, I am trying to be more tolerant of those negative traits in others that I
myself possess. That is easy. I was often told by my mother that I had a “quick
temper” yet neither she nor my dad ever gave me any coping mechanisms. I have
started to do what my teachers used to tell me – count to 10.....
While I am
counting to 10 I ask myself why that feeling came upon me so quickly. As I am
thinking (and I am at about 3 or 4) I can identify that negative trait in me I
am reflecting onto the other person. By the time I reach 10 I have figured out
what exactly has “set me off”. A deep
breath, a measures response and the conversation can continue.
The other
thing I am trying to do is improve those negative traits I have. I feel that as
I improve those traits to a point where when I am confronted with that trait in
someone else, it won’t bother me. Let me explain this thought. I meet all sorts
of people and some people are “rude” (I use the word rude as I cannot think of
a better word to use) to me. I accept their “rudeness” as it being part of them and just accept that. My wide
once accused me of being more tolerant of “strangers” that my own family. Once
I understood this theory, I have come to understand that is not true. It is the
application of this theory in real life. My family has my negative traits, “We
teach what we know, we reproduce what we are.”
I hope that
as I continue this journey of growth, I will continue to feel better. I feel
better about myself and more importantly, I believe I am feeling better about
how I treat other people.
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