August 24, 2012 - Sailing AWAY!

Darren Hardy says that we are 100% in control of our lives and that until we accept that and live our life in control, we will never be the same. In fact he says we are 100% to blame for our lives – good or bad.

I believe him.

Let me elaborate a wee bit. Many people know my wife Linda had cancer about a decade and a half ago. I lost my job over it. My “career” life seemed quite dismal for a long time. Then I re-discovered a magazine called SUCCESS while developing my new ACN business. Darren Hardy has made me re-evaluate my life and look at it in another light.

(The “odd”  thing is – Linda and I worked very hard on our family and have two WONDERFUL kids. At least we took control of that area.)

You see, I’ve always blamed “something” for my life. Linda being sick, my mom dying, my dad dying, my grandpa dying, all were to blame for my life. My lack of money. My poor career. 

Not true.

It was my inability to make sound and reasoned decisions that caused my troubles. When I lost my job I did not approach it and say to myself, “Well that sucks. I had better plan my next move!”. Nope. I wallowed.

When important people in my life died, instead of grasping those feelings, and letting time and thought heal them, I let them drag me into a place where the blame for my misfortune was placed on dead people. Not true.

Jim Rohn says, “The same wind blows on us all”. By “wind” he means, the economy, the government, people dying, aging, change.  He goes on to say, “Its not the wind that determines our life’s fortune but rather the SET OF OUR SAIL.”

What does that mean to me? I have to learn how to sail. And fast. How can I learn how to sail? I have to change the way I think. I have to sculpt my personal philosophies in order to better handle these rough seas. Equally important, I want to be able to sail through calm seas without becoming complacent. I want to learn how to scan the horizon and choose the best channels to sail through. I want to teach my kids and everyone on my team to do the same.

So what school am I going to in order to gain these skills? The Matt Robertson School of Self Help. I am listening to many great thought leaders. I have my IPOD filling with thoughtful and educational material. I subscribe to SUCCESS magazine. I read lots of books, magazine articles, blogs and more. Instead of listening to drivel on the radio, I listen to thoughtful material.

I am growing. I am learning. I am becoming a sailor!

August 23, 2012 - My Anger Issues

I have been living with what I describe as an angry temper for 48 years now. I have been listening to George Zalucki and John Maxwell a lot lately. If I can paraphrase what they say – anger is an intense feeling of extreme displeasure over something that happened in the past and cannot be changed.

So what does that all mean to me? I have been struggling to not “control” my anger but recognize the feeling and get rid of it and replace it with something else. Its very difficult for me – almost half a century of conditioning. I should also say that as far as my emotional upbringing is concerned, my mother led that training. She had a wicked temper and held a grudge for what seemed like forever.

My dad was the calm one. His was not a strong personality so it was hard to learn from him. That and I don’t think my mother really wanted us to learn from him. Being the youngest of 4 kids with a 15 year difference between the eldest and youngest, I’ve also had the opportunity to observe my siblings. They have carried a lot of that anger around with them too in various forms.

Enough of the past. I am really trying to do my best to “count to 10” before reacting. In that time, I am asking myself some questions AND forcing myself to answer them.

• EXACTLY what am I angry about?
• Can the “thing” be re-worked or fixed?
• Does it REALLY matter? (Will anyone die or be physically hurt?)
• Am I really angry with myself?

I suppose there are a lot of other questions that can get spawned from those but I usually end up calming down after the first one. Anger is such a wasted emotion. I am amazing myself with my new-found ability to keep calm.

I am sure my family doesn’t think so YET! I see myself having difficulty managing my emotions when I am in certain situations. These situations or conditions can be:

• Having had too much to drink.
• Being too tired.
• Being ill.
• Allowing outside influences to change my mood or emotional condition. THIS IS THE WORST ONE!!!!

So although it sounds easy, it is not for me. I must constantly run through those questions and thoughts about what is triggering those feelings.

It is a real challenge for me as I have to spend time alone with a person who does her best to trigger those feelings of anger in me. I have realized this person actually thrives when she sees people in emotional distress. She tries to instigate conflict amongst other people.

I have to keep repeating John Maxwell’s thought – “Hurting people, hurt people. And hurting people are hurt by people.”

Wish me more skills!