A Pleasing Personality....
I was
listening to Napoleon Hill today and he was taking about the importance of
developing a pleasing personality. I took sales training many years ago and the
thing the leader said you needed to get the prospect, “liking you and listening
to you”. Napoleon was saying the same thing, just better.
A pleasing
personality will up your market power – whatever your market is. Think about
that – if people like being with you, they will listen to what you say, they
will buy what you are selling – whether you are selling knowledge (teacher) or
goods, or health care (doctor),....
I would like
to summarize what Napoleon taught me today. I am paraphrasing and quoting him.
Please do not think these are my original ideas!
Some things
you need to develop in order to have a Pleasing Personality:
#1 –
Attitude – Your attitude will either attract or repel people. Therefore you
need to be positive in all of your expressions and thoughts. People can tune
into you, even if you are silent, and will feed positively off your positive
attitude.
I think I
have a fairly positive attitude although I sometimes fall off. I know I can
maintain a positive attitude by focusing on it. I need to work on keeping my
attitude positive.
#2 – Be
Flexible – You cannot control what other do or say to you, no matter what their
intentions. You cannot control their actions but you can control your reaction
to what they do or say. They cannot make you angry or annoyed without your
consent AND cooperation.
My mother used
to tell me I had a temper but never gave me any tools to deal with it. I
realize that when I get angry, it is my response to something that happened in
the past, and I have no power to change it. Or it is my reaction to what someone has said
to me.
Its funny, I
also realize that my association with some people also leaves me in a state
such that when something is said, I am more likely to rise to anger. I ALSO
realize that when I get angry, I feed those particular people’s energy. I have
been working at controlling myself so when something is said I neither consent
to the feeling nor do I give consent to them. THEN I notice their energy is
sucked from them and nothing further is said.
Anger is an
evil feeling, it saps positive energy, it feels negative energy, it feeds
negative people. Not getting angry negates all of those things!
I am working
at adjusting my feelings without loosing composure. It takes work, but it is
worth it.
#3 – Control
the Emotion of Enthusiasm – It is very important to be enthusiastic but you
must be able to control your enthusiasm. If all you ever do is be enthusiastic,
people will bore of you. Also, when you are constantly enthusiastic, you leave
yourself open for someone to burst your balloon and feed your mind with negative
thoughts.
I know when
I am over-enthusiastic about something, I leave myself vulnerable to “lunch bag
letdown”. I think that ties directly into #2.
#4 –
Sincerity of Purpose – Be truthful about what you are doing. Do not be
deceitful. People can sense when you are not being sincere and that builds a
sense of unease with you. Being deceitful carries warning signs to people who
meet you.
Duh! Do not lie!
There are
some things that you MUST avoid. These things will DESTROY a Pleasing
Personality.
#1 – Do not
run away with the conversation – No one likes someone who just interrupts and
directs the conversation wherever they like it. Do not interrupt.
I need to work on the interrupting part.
#2 – Sarcasm
– What do I need to say about this? A sarcastic remark can be as destroying to
someone as many other nasty things. Remember – the person you are being
sarcastic to may not have a Pleasing Personality and not have the flexibility
over their negative emotions!
Sarcasm is me. I need to change that......
Wisecracks
are seldom wise!
#3 – Avoid
Vanity in Words or Actions – Do not be a know it all. Do not assume you know
more than the person you are speaking to.
#4 – Avoid
indifference in listening – PAY ATTENTION!!!!!! Someone once told me that 80%
of selling was listening. Pay rapt attention to what the person is saying, make
them the centre of your listening universe for that moment. Napoleon says most
of the profit in sales is from listening.
#5 – Attempt
to flatter – but ONLY when it is deserved. People KNOW when you are blowing
wind. Nothing annoys me more than when someone flatters me and I KNOW they are
not sincere.
#6 – Finding
Fault – Do NOT lament and find fault with the world at large and people in
general. Avoid that negativity! Turn it around and find the good things!
#7 – Avoid
openly challenging someone – People do not like people who oppose someone just
for the purpose of being on the opposite side of an issue.
#8 – Do not
volunteer unsolicited advice – Free advice is worth what we paid for it,
perhaps the time we take to listen to it – that’s all.
#9 – Do not
take the habit of speaking of one’s physical ailments and problems – no one
wants to be around a whiner.
#10 – Do not
covey superiority – Do not use your actions or words to seem superior to the
other person.
#11 – Do not
express envy of other’s success – be happy for those who succeed.
#12 – Avoid
slovenliness in body, posture and appearance – be neat and tidy, stand up
straight, wash your hands.
If you find
you are not liked it is always for a reason. You can detect why people do not
like you, and then correct your actions.
If people like you, they will listen to you.
